Well last night, the gala known as the Oscars, AKA: The Superbowl for Women, AKA: The Superbowl for Gays, AKA: Can you guess if this is my real hair, took place last night in the last refuge that an honest, small town kid can go these days; Hollywood. The star studded event, (does it have to be studded? Cant it be affiliated? That makes more sense...) boasted mega stars, decent stars, and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Me and my friends were going to attempt to head to the red carpet festivities, but since it was apocalyptic grey, and monsoon raining outside (Ok it wasn't that bad but since it was Oscar night I had to be over dramatic!!!...you know cause it was Oscar....forget it...) we decided to skip the proceedings and went to our friend Phil's house. It was better anyway. We could make fun of people without fear of repercussion, and fear of awkward fanboys throwing their Del Taco bags at us.
Essentially the show is usually a big bore but we have to watch it anyway because we have to know who wins and it has to happen at least once. By that I mean a complete and utter shock like say a streaker coming up onto the stage, someone getting really drunk during the ceremonies, or someone just cursing up a storm during their acceptance speech. Alas there was no such luck this year, and more than likely it will never happen. Yet we still watch it like an Alzheimer's patient, and completely forget that nothing like that will ever happen.
So with the uneventful show came the awards. And the awards pretty much came without a lot of shock or fanfare as well. Except for the women. They were kind of surprises. Everything else really kind of came into place as everyone expected they would. So without further ado since I never actually did this, I'm going to say who won, and announce who I thought should have won instead. Yeah real original I know. Keep your pants on though. I never said I was original, just awkward. So without further ado, here is a picture of a gopher. After that here are my thoughts.
Best Picture-No Country For Old Men
What should have won-No Country For Old Men
It was the best film of the year and the Academy for once got the Best Picture right. Its such a shame that it took 23 years for the Coens to get an Oscar but at least they got one. Good job Academy.
Best Actor-Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood
Who should have won-Daniel Day Lewis
Touche again. There were two for two. I'm shocked. It was probably the best performance of the decade. I'm tired of hearing people say it was over the top. It was a movie for Christ sakes. Its not supposed to be reality. So there...bitches....
Best Actress-Marion Collitard for La Vie En Rose
Who should have won-Julie Christie for Away From Her...I guess.....
It was kind of a weak year for female performances in general. I just watched La Vie En Rose last night, and it was a really good performance, its just that I think that Julie Christie played a tougher role with squandering it to cliches which it easily could have been. By the way, did Marion look fucking smoking last night or what?
Best Supporting Actor-Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men
Who should have won-Javier Bardem
Nailed it again. He was the best villain to inhabit a film since Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Need I say more?
Best Supporting Actress-Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton
Who should have won-Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There
Yeah so...I don't know either....My only explanation for this is that I'm Not There was such a pretentious film that the Academy unfortunately snubbed Cate. That's about it. I really don't understand how Swinton won. Shes a fine actress and everything, but she didn't really stand out that much. Hey that's me. What do I know? I just went to film school.....
Best Director-The Coens for No Country For Old Men
Who should have won-Julian Schnabel for the Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Absolutely no disrespect to the Coens who until a bit ago were the best American filmmakers who had never won an Oscar, Schnabel I feel still deserved it more. Diving Bell was an incredibly different, vibrant, and wonderful film, with visuals that represented the pain on the main characters life, and the others in his life who surround him. He puts you into the life of this man who has had a stroke rendering him paralyzed except for his use of his left eye. It reminds me of Johnny Got His Gun in that way. The Coens made the best film of the year no question, but in actual achievement in directing this year, it should have went to Schnabel.
Best Original Screenplay-Diablo Cody for Juno
Who should have won-Cody
This was a no brainer at least to me. I keep hearing a bunch of dirty mouth breathers say that she didn't deserve it because she wrote unrealistic characters, in a scenario which shouldn't have been taken as a light hearted comedy. Bullshit. It was a funny movie that told a great story. That's what I go to the movies to see; stories. Yes I do like realistic dialogue in many of my films and television shows, (The Wire) but a lot of the time I don't want to hear realistic dialogue. I want something different. And Diablo Cody just created her own niche in Hollywood with the way she writes her characters and her story structure. She had the guts to create her own voice, and guess what? She completely succeeded. And so did Juno.
Best Adapted Screenplay-Coen Brothers for No Country For Old Men
What should have won-Either No Country, There Will Be Blood, or Diving Bell
This was the toughest category for me to pick from. All three of the films were fantastic and wonderful screenplays. No Country followed very much word for word and structure like the novel. There Will Be Blood damn near was nothing like the book, but I was completely blown away by the Shakespearean arc of the character of Daniel Plainview, and Diving Bell was amazing in its boldness and character arcs as well. They didn't suger coat anything in the proceedings. I would have been glad if any of the films had won.
So there you have it. If you don't like it I got two words for you...Matt Damon.....
Essentially the show is usually a big bore but we have to watch it anyway because we have to know who wins and it has to happen at least once. By that I mean a complete and utter shock like say a streaker coming up onto the stage, someone getting really drunk during the ceremonies, or someone just cursing up a storm during their acceptance speech. Alas there was no such luck this year, and more than likely it will never happen. Yet we still watch it like an Alzheimer's patient, and completely forget that nothing like that will ever happen.
So with the uneventful show came the awards. And the awards pretty much came without a lot of shock or fanfare as well. Except for the women. They were kind of surprises. Everything else really kind of came into place as everyone expected they would. So without further ado since I never actually did this, I'm going to say who won, and announce who I thought should have won instead. Yeah real original I know. Keep your pants on though. I never said I was original, just awkward. So without further ado, here is a picture of a gopher. After that here are my thoughts.
Best Picture-No Country For Old Men
What should have won-No Country For Old Men
It was the best film of the year and the Academy for once got the Best Picture right. Its such a shame that it took 23 years for the Coens to get an Oscar but at least they got one. Good job Academy.
Best Actor-Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood
Who should have won-Daniel Day Lewis
Touche again. There were two for two. I'm shocked. It was probably the best performance of the decade. I'm tired of hearing people say it was over the top. It was a movie for Christ sakes. Its not supposed to be reality. So there...bitches....
Best Actress-Marion Collitard for La Vie En Rose
Who should have won-Julie Christie for Away From Her...I guess.....
It was kind of a weak year for female performances in general. I just watched La Vie En Rose last night, and it was a really good performance, its just that I think that Julie Christie played a tougher role with squandering it to cliches which it easily could have been. By the way, did Marion look fucking smoking last night or what?
Best Supporting Actor-Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men
Who should have won-Javier Bardem
Nailed it again. He was the best villain to inhabit a film since Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Need I say more?
Best Supporting Actress-Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton
Who should have won-Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There
Yeah so...I don't know either....My only explanation for this is that I'm Not There was such a pretentious film that the Academy unfortunately snubbed Cate. That's about it. I really don't understand how Swinton won. Shes a fine actress and everything, but she didn't really stand out that much. Hey that's me. What do I know? I just went to film school.....
Best Director-The Coens for No Country For Old Men
Who should have won-Julian Schnabel for the Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Absolutely no disrespect to the Coens who until a bit ago were the best American filmmakers who had never won an Oscar, Schnabel I feel still deserved it more. Diving Bell was an incredibly different, vibrant, and wonderful film, with visuals that represented the pain on the main characters life, and the others in his life who surround him. He puts you into the life of this man who has had a stroke rendering him paralyzed except for his use of his left eye. It reminds me of Johnny Got His Gun in that way. The Coens made the best film of the year no question, but in actual achievement in directing this year, it should have went to Schnabel.
Best Original Screenplay-Diablo Cody for Juno
Who should have won-Cody
This was a no brainer at least to me. I keep hearing a bunch of dirty mouth breathers say that she didn't deserve it because she wrote unrealistic characters, in a scenario which shouldn't have been taken as a light hearted comedy. Bullshit. It was a funny movie that told a great story. That's what I go to the movies to see; stories. Yes I do like realistic dialogue in many of my films and television shows, (The Wire) but a lot of the time I don't want to hear realistic dialogue. I want something different. And Diablo Cody just created her own niche in Hollywood with the way she writes her characters and her story structure. She had the guts to create her own voice, and guess what? She completely succeeded. And so did Juno.
Best Adapted Screenplay-Coen Brothers for No Country For Old Men
What should have won-Either No Country, There Will Be Blood, or Diving Bell
This was the toughest category for me to pick from. All three of the films were fantastic and wonderful screenplays. No Country followed very much word for word and structure like the novel. There Will Be Blood damn near was nothing like the book, but I was completely blown away by the Shakespearean arc of the character of Daniel Plainview, and Diving Bell was amazing in its boldness and character arcs as well. They didn't suger coat anything in the proceedings. I would have been glad if any of the films had won.
So there you have it. If you don't like it I got two words for you...Matt Damon.....
2 comments:
how terrible is it that i haven't seen any of the movies mentioned?
Yes it is. You at least need to see Juno.
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