My top ten favorite television shows of all time #10

For some reason recently, Ive been getting a weird backlash from people when I say that I watch television. I was confused. Befuddled even. I always have been curious as to why there seemingly is this hesitancy towards the medium. They aren't willing to watch a long and well written series in the privacy of their own home, eating their own home cooked meals, and cuddling up with a loved one, or watching it with a few good friends as they politely discuss it afterwards. But they're willing to pay ten bucks to see a two hour or less film, with overpriced greasy nasty food, and teenagers texting and bullshitting with their friends as they talk throughout the entire film treating the theatre like they're in their parents house. I don't understand this myself. I guess we the television watchers are the uncultured ones. Now granted I understand that most peoples arguments basically are that the majority of television people watch is horrible and painful to watch. Reality shows, and police procedurals dominate the ratings even though they constantly repeat the same themes and content over and over again adnauseum. I say to that, "Most films are crap too." Tell me five great films that have come out this year so far, and Ill call you a liar. I can name five really good tv shows that are still on the air. (The Wire, Lost, The Office, How I Met Your Mother, and Battlestar Galactica) Television shows to me are nothing more than extended films, that you have to wait a week or more to continue on with the story. That's all. Especially with HBO shows with cursing and displaying graphic depictions of sex and violence. They are just extended films. R-Rated films. Now who would argue that isn't cool?

I've compiled this list not as the best shows to ever grace the air. As good as I think All in the Family or I Love Lucy is, they're past my era. They have aged considerably since the time that they were on, and I just feel that there are shows that have surpassed what they were attempting to do in the realm of television. That's just one mans opinion however. Pretty much these shows will be from 1990 on. The Simpsons and Married With Children have come the closest to cracking the top ten while starting earlier than 1990, but the full whole of their work isn't enough to crack it. So here we now. Comments are appreciated.

10. South Park-The most potent, accurate, and best political satire on television today. (Unless you count the O'Reilly Factor, Colbert Report, or the Daily Show political satire) South Park through eleven seasons and counting have morphed from a raunchy cartoon that probably was the catalyst for Adult Swim, to a cartoon that probably comments on current events and trends better than anything that's on the air today. From Guitar Hero, to child molestation within the Catholic Church, Scientology, the fraud that was Jonathen Edwards, to movie spoofs, South Park has made everyone in the world a target for their satire. No movie, no political subject, religion, creed, race, or any one person in general is safe (Except for Robert Smith of course. The greatest man to ever live. Our savior...)

While honoring this show of course, you have to mention quite possibly the most evil character that ever graced television. Eric Cartman. There's a brilliant sequence for fans of the show that happens during season ten that pretty much tells the whole story. A Bart Simpson like character breaks into Fox Studios to attempt to destroy Family Guy much like Cartman is also attempting to do. While they are sitting in the waiting room, Bart says hi to Cartman, and tells him that hes a bad kid. Cartman asks what did you do that was bad? Bart responds that he cut the head off of a statue once. Cartman promptly responds, "I made a kid eat his own parents." Bart responds that that's pretty fucked up. Yes Cartman did make a kid eat his own parents, because earlier in an episode the kid in question sold his pubes to Cartman for ten bucks. Cartman responded the only way he knew how to. By topping him. Cartman is an evil human being, but we really don't care, because for some reason we like him. There's no reason whatsoever to like him but we do. Because of the genius of the writing, we like this character and sometimes even root for him. Mostly just to see how he will top himself. For example he dressed up as Hitler to lead a protest against Jews for believing that Passion of the Christ was antisemitic. That's not the worst thing he's ever done on the show. Trust me.

The really great thing about this show, besides it being amazingly funny, is that every season they have improved. Whether it be the animation, the subject matter, or the writing itself, the show slowly but surely has progressed for the better. After eleven seasons, you'd figure they run out of stuff to say, but because of the quick way that the animation is done, they can do a show relevant to a political or current event, that happened that same week and make it hilarious. The best part is that this show holds up after repeat viewings unlike many shows that occupy the air, sometimes even better the second time that you watch it.

Needless to say I hope this show goes on for years, and realistically it very well can. Trey Parker and Matt Stone are extremely smart and very funny, and they know when to tone it down unlike other South Park clones. (Drawn Together)

The Game Plan

The Rock. The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment Today! Well not anymore at least. Since the Rocks departure from the WWF (I refuse to call it the WWE. I don't care) in 2003, he has become Hollywood's calling call to be the next action hero in the vein of Arnold, Sly, Kermit the Frog, and Tim the Toolman Taylor. (Although to this author no one will ever eclipse the greatest action hero of ours and anyones lifetime) In his tenure with the WWF, he rose from a goody two shoes nobody, to the most charismatic man in professional wrestling since the Immortal Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair. He was known world wide and he had everything to succeed in the business. He had excellent in ring ability, he was charismatic, and he had movie star good looks. After a fantastic performance hosting Saturday Night Live, he figured that he could do this for a living. And hey why not? Either make seven figures busting your ass every night on the road for 275 plus days out of the year never seeing your family, or make the same amount of money shooting on a set for 45 days and going home, and not getting your ass kicked...as much. I know what I'd do. He has since become a solid player in the Hollywood lexicon, even forgoing his signature name, and choosing his own name of Dwayne Johnson. He has officially made it, and I couldn't be happier for his success.

With that said, he needs work as a performer. His natural charisma can only take him so far, and he needs to be able to choose better scripts to showcase his talent. (Lets face it however. He was the best thing about Be Cool) A script that does showcase his talent however is Disney's the Game Plan.

The story is about Joe Kingman. The amazing, if selfish quarterback who has the world at his feet. Hes rich, completely gifted in the one thing he loves more than anything else which is playing football, and single. He couldn't be happier with his life. Nothing can ruin it. Except for one thing; a little girl who knocks on her door claiming to be his daughter. She has a birth certificate with his name on it proving that hes the father, and also the small detail that she looks exactly like him. His agent Stella believes that this is going to be a problem and wants to get rid of her because it will cause bad press for the quarterback and possibly make him lose his endorsements. They all now have to coexist in some way, or else their lives might fall apart.

Film School-True that this is a Disney film, and because of that it is going to have some form of corniness to it, but still it doesn't excuse this film for being completely hokey to the point that adults almost can't watch it. This mainly is a vehicle for Johnson to showcase his comedic talent, and to show his "range" as an actor. Now having previously seen his WWF mic work, I have seen this before. He channelling his inner Rock and essentially being his charming funny self throughout the majority of the film, because frankly its a vehicle for him. Madison Pettis who plays Peyton is equally as charming as his daughter. She has some of the same mannerisms that he has and shes extremely cute as her role is supposed to call for. It is a Disney film. I mentioned that right?

The script is made for children and preteens and its blatantly obvious from the get go. If your a fan of football like I am, you wont find too much of it here. The plot points are extremely apparent if your familiar with Disney films, and you can almost predict them far in advance. There's nothing really new to offer with this film and you do have to take that into consideration if you do end up seeing this film. Your kids might enjoy this film, but there's little for adults to digest.

Fanboy-What the fuck? I rolled into this film expected some ass kicking and some football, and what do I get? Some little kid and a lot of hugging and crying. Gimme a fucking break. I didn't come into this film to see the Rock apologize to some little puny seven year old kid. You know what you do when the kid acts up and almost destroys your kitchen? You smack the shit out of them! When I was bad, I got a beating. End of story. I turned out ok. How else are they going to learn the values and moral conundrums of life otherwise? If you don't do this, your children are going to turn out to be complete misfits and social parasites. I don't know about you but I want socially adjusted kids. But hey that's just me.

And where the hell is the football?! Almost a two hours flick, and I saw three to four minutes of football. Maybe. I'm so pissed. I thought maybe some wrestling. Maybe? No. I got fucking nothing. At least Arnold thought about kicking the children in Kindergarten Cop. And then he beat fuckers up. No the Rock essentially is a big puss. I prefer to remember him in this light. Don't waste your money on this piece of shit.

Final rating-5/10. A decent rental for your kids, but doesn't leave much to adults to digest.

The Oscars: No Surprises Once Again....For Old Men....

Well last night, the gala known as the Oscars, AKA: The Superbowl for Women, AKA: The Superbowl for Gays, AKA: Can you guess if this is my real hair, took place last night in the last refuge that an honest, small town kid can go these days; Hollywood. The star studded event, (does it have to be studded? Cant it be affiliated? That makes more sense...) boasted mega stars, decent stars, and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Me and my friends were going to attempt to head to the red carpet festivities, but since it was apocalyptic grey, and monsoon raining outside (Ok it wasn't that bad but since it was Oscar night I had to be over dramatic!!!...you know cause it was Oscar....forget it...) we decided to skip the proceedings and went to our friend Phil's house. It was better anyway. We could make fun of people without fear of repercussion, and fear of awkward fanboys throwing their Del Taco bags at us.



Essentially the show is usually a big bore but we have to watch it anyway because we have to know who wins and it has to happen at least once. By that I mean a complete and utter shock like say a streaker coming up onto the stage, someone getting really drunk during the ceremonies, or someone just cursing up a storm during their acceptance speech. Alas there was no such luck this year, and more than likely it will never happen. Yet we still watch it like an Alzheimer's patient, and completely forget that nothing like that will ever happen.



So with the uneventful show came the awards. And the awards pretty much came without a lot of shock or fanfare as well. Except for the women. They were kind of surprises. Everything else really kind of came into place as everyone expected they would. So without further ado since I never actually did this, I'm going to say who won, and announce who I thought should have won instead. Yeah real original I know. Keep your pants on though. I never said I was original, just awkward. So without further ado, here is a picture of a gopher. After that here are my thoughts.



Best Picture-No Country For Old Men

What should have won-No Country For Old Men



It was the best film of the year and the Academy for once got the Best Picture right. Its such a shame that it took 23 years for the Coens to get an Oscar but at least they got one. Good job Academy.



Best Actor-Daniel Day Lewis for There Will Be Blood

Who should have won-Daniel Day Lewis



Touche again. There were two for two. I'm shocked. It was probably the best performance of the decade. I'm tired of hearing people say it was over the top. It was a movie for Christ sakes. Its not supposed to be reality. So there...bitches....



Best Actress-Marion Collitard for La Vie En Rose

Who should have won-Julie Christie for Away From Her...I guess.....



It was kind of a weak year for female performances in general. I just watched La Vie En Rose last night, and it was a really good performance, its just that I think that Julie Christie played a tougher role with squandering it to cliches which it easily could have been. By the way, did Marion look fucking smoking last night or what?



Best Supporting Actor-Javier Bardem for No Country For Old Men

Who should have won-Javier Bardem



Nailed it again. He was the best villain to inhabit a film since Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Need I say more?



Best Supporting Actress-Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton

Who should have won-Cate Blanchett in I'm Not There



Yeah so...I don't know either....My only explanation for this is that I'm Not There was such a pretentious film that the Academy unfortunately snubbed Cate. That's about it. I really don't understand how Swinton won. Shes a fine actress and everything, but she didn't really stand out that much. Hey that's me. What do I know? I just went to film school.....

Best Director-The Coens for No Country For Old Men
Who should have won-Julian Schnabel for the Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Absolutely no disrespect to the Coens who until a bit ago were the best American filmmakers who had never won an Oscar, Schnabel I feel still deserved it more. Diving Bell was an incredibly different, vibrant, and wonderful film, with visuals that represented the pain on the main characters life, and the others in his life who surround him. He puts you into the life of this man who has had a stroke rendering him paralyzed except for his use of his left eye. It reminds me of Johnny Got His Gun in that way. The Coens made the best film of the year no question, but in actual achievement in directing this year, it should have went to Schnabel.

Best Original Screenplay-Diablo Cody for Juno
Who should have won-Cody

This was a no brainer at least to me. I keep hearing a bunch of dirty mouth breathers say that she didn't deserve it because she wrote unrealistic characters, in a scenario which shouldn't have been taken as a light hearted comedy. Bullshit. It was a funny movie that told a great story. That's what I go to the movies to see; stories. Yes I do like realistic dialogue in many of my films and television shows, (The Wire) but a lot of the time I don't want to hear realistic dialogue. I want something different. And Diablo Cody just created her own niche in Hollywood with the way she writes her characters and her story structure. She had the guts to create her own voice, and guess what? She completely succeeded. And so did Juno.

Best Adapted Screenplay-Coen Brothers for No Country For Old Men
What should have won-Either No Country, There Will Be Blood, or Diving Bell

This was the toughest category for me to pick from. All three of the films were fantastic and wonderful screenplays. No Country followed very much word for word and structure like the novel. There Will Be Blood damn near was nothing like the book, but I was completely blown away by the Shakespearean arc of the character of Daniel Plainview, and Diving Bell was amazing in its boldness and character arcs as well. They didn't suger coat anything in the proceedings. I would have been glad if any of the films had won.

So there you have it. If you don't like it I got two words for you...Matt Damon.....

Cloverfield

udy

The Cloverfield hype began for me when I went to see a screening of Transformers at the Arclight Theatre on Sunset in Hollywood one fateful day in July. The opening trailer for the film was a quaint little teenage/young adult comedy which seemed to be shot by a Hi-8 camera for about six bucks and a Wawa Italian hoagie. My thought process went into overdrive, and I immediately thought to myself, "Wait a second. This is Transformers. A mega blockbuster special effects extravaganza with giant robots destroying downtown Los Angeles. Surely they must be kidding promoting an indie comedy that isn't even shot well with this film right?" I immediately knew something was up. And then it happened. Downtown New York has a major explosion as the teenagers stand on top of a roof. Shit has officially went down. There is a cry from someone that seemed to say "It's alive! And it's huge!" The head of the Statue of Liberty flies by, and after that it fades to black, with no title. Everyone in the theatre simultaneously says, "What the fuck was that?" and "I am seeing that! I do not care."

I was intrigued as well, but from more of a stand point of wondering if this was going to the next Blair Witch Project. For the next few months, more and more people became aware of this mysterious trailer, and just wanted to know one thing; What the hell is this monster? Or is it a monster? No one knew, but everyone was speculating. I had huge doubts for the film mainly because of the hype that was being poured into it. My main concern was that once they revealed the monster, what was the point of the rest of the film going to be? The city getting destroyed? Ive seen that before. People getting killed? Ditto. Was there going to be a story? Would I give a shit about the characters? I had felt that once the monster was revealed, it wasn't going to live up to the hype. And then it would become Blair Witch again. Alot of pissed off people in the theatre, and many angry patrons and reviews. Well when I finally saw it, I was happy to report. It was a lot better than I had expected.

The story begins with Ron who has taken a job in Japan as the vice president of some company (the name escapes me at the moment) and his going away party that his brother and his friends have thrown for him in his Manhattan apartment. Every major player in the film is introduced at this point that has relevance in Ron's life. His brother Jason, Jason's girlfriend Lily, Rob's best friend and the unfortunate cameraman for the night Hud, and his crush/best friend Beth whom he had recently spent his first night together with. Everything seems fine until an earthquake happens. No one has any clue whats going on. And then the infamous explosion and Statue of Liberty head scene occurs. Shit has gone down.

Film School: This is the closest thing that a Hollywood mainstream film will essentially ever come to an experimental film. The film is shot with the sole purpose of making you feel like you had found this tape with footage and are seeing it unedited for the first time. The film does an excellent job of inter splicing Rob and Beth's first date mixed in with the chaos of whats happening within the confines of the city. (Hud realizes that he forgot to change the tape when he started recording during the party)Through this first person perspective, the audience feels that they are with the characters and feel the chaos and the insanity of what is happening to them at this period of time. Since it is handheld, it is extremely shaky and motion sickness is a slight possibility much like with Blair Witch. But because of this technique, it make the proceedings all the more real.The terror is real in this film, and none of it is forced upon the viewer. There are slight subtle references of the 9/11 tragedy found within the film. The chaos, the unknown factor, the will to survive and band together, and a great fear of a strong enemy.

It follows the Jaws school of thought; the less you see of the monster, the scarier the film actually is. And it definitely holds true. You never get a full shot of the creature, so if you were looking for that, go somewhere else. This isn't the film for you. The origins of the story are completely irrelevant to this film. The film is about the trials and tribulations of friends and what they would do, in the face of danger for each other. Because the film spends fifteen of the eighty or so minutes of the film with character development, we feel sympathy rather than empathy toward the characters in danger. So many horror films give us characters we truly could care less about and because of the that, films like those always suffer. Not Cloverfield in this sense.

This is a scary film no doubt. Its creepy, and the monster is very much wonderfully done. This could have been a dumb popcorn film about something that runs rampant, destroys things, and that's that. But this film goes a little deeper than that. With the experimental style it chose, Cloverfield becomes something essential to see in the theatre just for the experience.

Fanboy: This monster tears shit apart! It doesn't fuck around at all! I seriously expected like nothing from this movie and what I got was a nice kick ass monster movie. Would I have liked to see it a little more? Sure why not, especially since the monster was done so well, and it owned everything in its path. The camerawork made me a little wussy but not so much as to ruin the experience all together.

Unlike other pansy American monsters from films like King Kong who whines like a bitch over a woman, and Godzilla...wait that's Japanese...ah whatever hes ours too, usually getting his ass kicked than coming back in the end to barely win his fights, we have the unnamed Cloverfield monster completely owning everything and everyone in his path. Its never really stopped.

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!-----------

A fucking nuke doesn't kill it!!!

END SPOILER ALERT-----------

This thing kicked a ton of ass and ate people and the shitty army to breakfast. It never fucked around not once. There was never a back story to make it seem angry at anything, or have feelings or anything like that. It just woke up, got pissed off and destroyed shit, because it wanted to.

I propose something to JJ Abrams for the sequel. If you are going to stop this monster in another film, there's only one logical solution and I believe everyone knows what that is.

This man.

Overall: A pretty good, actually scary film that is meant to be seen in theatres, and will undoubtedly lose its impact on home theatre. This film isn't meant for everyone for those who want to be genuinely scared, its definitely worth it.

7/10-But worth a trip to the theatre.

Welcome my friends!

Welcome everyone to the first posting of the Film School Fanboy movie review website/blog/thing that people look at while scratching themselves online while they wait for Myspace to load. I decided to start a movie review blog because of the many, many requests (actually probably more like two, but hey who's counting? Wait I just did...), that I have gotten lately to do a site like this. So I gave in and said what they hey. So here we are.

Although I didn't want to just do a plain old normal review engine. I wanted to attempt to do something a bit different with the way I review films. I didn't seriously review movies until I was about 18 years old and out of high school. I always wanted to be a part of the entertainment industry in some way, but I always figured I would be a performer, an actor, a stand up comedian, the homeless guy begging for change doing a jig, whatever you would call entertainment, I figured that one day I would be a part of it. It wasn't until I had graduated high school that I began to learn about the "art" of film making and what makes a grand wonderful film, as opposed to just watching a movie for sheer entertainment. I learned about Orsen Welles, Stanley Kubrick, Akira Kurasowa, Martin Scorcese, the Coen Brothers, and other various filmmakers and screenwriters that made the classics in our industry today. I learned what makes a film be deemed an undisputed masterpiece, film making techniques, editing techniques, what makes a solid screenplay, sound design, and just a plethora of ways on what makes a film be hailed as not just an amazing piece of escapist entertainment, but a great experience all around. I went to film school to attempt to learn this craft to the best of my ability, and although I wasn't the greatest student the school had ever seen, I had learned many wonderful things throughout the years I had spent in school, from filmmakers and editors and gaffers so much so that something terrible happened to me.

I had become a film snob.

A film snob? Surely you jest? Indeed ladies and gentlemen, I was a film snob. I wont say I was the worst snob, but you really couldn't argue about movies with me, because more than likely, you were wrong. Because I went to film school dammit! I knew it all!

Around junior year I began to realize I didn't know shit. And it took the attention of a good friend of mine from high school to realize I didn't know anything. This one line will stay with me forever and I thank him very much for it.

"Before you went to film school, you actually liked movies."

I was floored. He was right. Utterly and completely right in every way. I forgot how to enjoy a movie by myself. I pointed out nuances and mistakes that the filmmaker made. I laughed at the terrible dialogue without realizing the one thing that most critics fail to realize when they review films. That they were once fans of movies. Forget the lighting and cinematography for a second. Did you enjoy the movie? I forgot how to enjoy films. I had to remember that 98% of the country doesn't give a shit what a critic thinks. Let alone me, some asshole who completed film school and barely has any hair on his balls. People go to the movies to be entertained, not to be lectured at, and unfortunately film school taught me to be an elitist, not a filmmaker.

The point to this seemingly random diatribe, is that I wanted to have this review site be something different. So I decided to do what most film critics don't do within their own little world.

And that is to be a fanboy.

Whenever I review a film on this site, it will come from two perspectives. The film critic, and the fanboy. There are films out there that are completely critic proof and frankly there is nothing wrong with that. People need to shut their brain down for a few hours. It happens. And then there are art films that people love to sink into its subconscious and delve into what exactly occurred, and there's nothing wrong with that as well. From the two perspectives I will create a review, that hopefully people could pay attention to. You don't have to listen to me. Most people wont obviously. But I hope that some of you may enlighten your perspective whether your an average Joe, or a snobby film student that has seen Battleship Potemkin curled up in the fetal position for hours on end (I'm sorry Mike I had to steal it).

Either way I hope you enjoy, and remember, Perspective is a funny thing. Much like a kid with down syndrome.

Matt